Donald Trump Has No Friends?

We've got a lot to cover.  And, while we’ve never been a huge fan (or even, “tremendous” fan) of lists, we feel bullet points are the best way to tackle what can only be described as a chaotic, manic, inexplicable first week of Mr. Trump’s presidency.  So bear with us as we try to make sense of a tiny handed man whose only clear objective is attempting to follow his own rambling logic.

In today’s lesson plan, we’ll cover:

·      The Wall

·      Affordable Care Act

·      The Pipeline Orders

·      Gag Orders

·      Donald Trump Has No Friends

THE WALL

The insanity leeching out of Mr. Trump during his campaign is now gushing out of him like a spastic fire hydrant.  It’s true, Mr. Trump promised to build a wall along the Mexican/American border to “stop drugs from pouring in,” and keep out drug dealers, rapists, and criminals.  It’s also true, Mr. Trump promised Americans that Mexico would pay for said wall.  What wasn’t clear was how exactly Mexico was going to fund such a project.  Rest assured, though, our Commander in Chief has a solution.  In an executive order signed on Wednesday, Mr. Trump ordered the immediate construction of a wall using funds already available in the United States budget.  And, while these funds are, in fact, designated for the sole purpose of border protection, they only represent a fraction of what it will cost to construct a 15-foot, 1,000-mile wall.  So, what’s the plan after that?  Even though Mexico has refused to pay for the wall—going so far as to cancel a trip to meet with the president—Mr. Trump is moving forward with the idea the American taxpayers will foot the cost and Mexico will reimburse us.  How will they reimburse us, you ask?  By implementing a 20% tax on goods imported from Mexico.  In a statement released earlier today, White House spokesman Sean Spicer said such a tax could generate approximately $20 billion dollars a year in tax revenue.  I see two problems with this: the first, according to the United States Trade Representative, in 2015, U.S. goods and services trade with Mexico totaled an estimated $583.6 billion, with $267.2 billion accounting for exports, and $316.4 billion accounting for imports.  That means the U.S. goods and services trade deficit with Mexico in 2015 was $49.2 billion.  Now, it’s possible Mexico could reduce the number of its exports, which would effectively kill a number of jobs (according to the Department of Commerce, U.S. exports of goods and services to Mexico supported an estimated 1.1 million jobs in 2014), or, more likely, they refuse to pay such a tax.  Secondly, and perhaps a larger problem could be, Mexico imposes a tax on us.  If we have a trade deficit with Mexico that’s just shy of $50 billion, what’s stopping them from imposing their own tax?  As Mr. Trump has already demonstrated, there doesn’t need to be any particular rhyme nor reason to create a tax on trade.  Setting dangerous precedents on trade could also have global ramifications with countries such as China, Japan, and South Korea.

AFFORDABLE CARE ACT

In spite of what many Americans think, the Affordable Care Act—or ACA—is not an insurance company.  Since its inception, though, thousands of people have taken to Facebook and Twitter to voice their displeasure with the customer service of the ACA—I’m looking at you Bren.  

Let me be clear, the ACA is and never was an insurance company.  It’s simply an act designed to provide affordable care universally in America—hence the name: Affordable Care Act.  On Monday, Mr. Trump signed an executive order directing members of his administration to begin efforts to repeal and replace the ACA.  Even the most conservative estimates put the number of people who will lose their health insurance at 18,000,000.  That’s over 5% of our country’s population.  The president doesn’t yet have a plan to replace the ACA, but has assured the American people it will be “tremendous.”  Perhaps, Mr. Trump, Mexico can fund our new healthcare system, as well.  You should just write it out like a Christmas list of things you want from them and hope they take you seriously.  If this plan seems a bit childish to you, perhaps you could just impose a 30% tax on Mexican imports.  Or, hell, why not 40%?

THE PIPELINE ORDERS

Ah, yes, well done you demonic, apple-faced goon, you even signed executive orders related to the Dakota Access and Keystone XL pipeline projects.  Effective immediately, construction should resume on both projects.  Mr. Trump also signed a directive ordering an end to protracted environmental reviews.  I’m sure your oil lobbyist friends were collectively masturbating over this one.  And I’m also sure you weren’t at all motivated by your own financial well-being.  Did you really think, Mr. Trump, we wouldn't care that you own shares in Phillips 66—a joint venture partner in Dakota Access pipeline—as well as investments in the Canadian energy company TransCanada—the developer of the Keystone XL pipeline?  This comes in conjunction with the recent freeze you put on government agencies’ spending, most notably the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA).  You’re like the dealer in a game of Blackjack who somehow convinces the rest of the table to let you play, and then stacks the deck for himself.  Which brings us to our next point...

GAG ORDERS

After you froze spending you went so far as to order the EPA to shut their tree-hugging traps about what you’ve done.  In spite of this fascist direction, one EPA staffer—who wished to remain anonymous—relayed the following: “The entire agency is under lockdown, the website, Facebook, Twitter, you name it is static and can't be updated. All reports, findings, permits and studies are frozen and not to be released. No presentations or meetings with outside groups are to be scheduled.  Any Press contacting us are to be directed to the Press Office which is also silenced and will give no response.  All grants and contracts are frozen from the contractors working on Superfund sites to grad school students working on their thesis.  We are still doing our work, writing reports, doing cancer modeling for pesticides hoping that this is temporary and we will be able to serve the public soon.  But many of us are worried about an ideologically-fueled purging and if you use any federal data I advise you gather what you can now.  We have been told the website is being reworked to reflect the new administration's policy.”  As of this morning, the EPA’s website—which had been updated regularly—shows the last update was made seven days ago.  On the other hand, the National Park Service is a prime example of a government-funded group unwilling to bow down to your 1984-esque style of governing.  Well done, Park Service, we at Pecorino & Eggs commend you.  Placing gag orders on government agencies is about as effective as last year’s Congress.  It’s like you beat somebody up on the playground and then rudely asked them not to tell on you.

DONALD TRUMP HAS NO FRIENDS

Ah yes, it’s true.  Sure, Mr. Trump, you have people you surround yourself with, but your aura of desperation reeks like a cheap cologne.  You’re not even a week into your presidency and already some of your staff hate your guts.  Yesterday, New York Magazine reported you “get bored” easily and would rather “watch television” than listen to security briefings.  And even the faintest criticism that’s sent your way makes your blood boil.  So now you know, Mr. Trump, how we feel every time you open your mouth.  The New York Times even reported you are “convinced of broad, but hidden plots to undermine” you, and said you “channel fringe ideas and give them as much weight as carefully researched reports.”  For an example of this, please refer to your own conspiracy that voter fraud is the reason you lost out on the popular vote, or the ludicrous claim you had higher crowd counts at your inauguration than former President Obama.  First, David Becker, who for six years was in charge of the election initiative for the Pew Center, said voter duplication “does exist, but it happens in very, very small numbers and nothing like what is claimed by the president.”  Even Lindsey Graham thinks you’re off your rocker on this one!  That’s like the BTK Killer saying you took things too far.  Secondly, U.S. News & World Report released an article on Wednesday, with evidence you may be interested in, Mr. Trump.  Your nominee to be secretary of the Treasury (and former Goldman Sachs partner), Steven Mnuchin, is registered to vote in both California and New York.  Casual racist Steve Bannon, your senior advisor, registered to vote in New York while being registered to vote in Florida (he’s still registered to vote in Florida by the way).  And perhaps the best example of this corruption you’re hell-bent on exposing is Tiffany Trump, your daughter, who is registered to vote in both Pennsylvania and New York.  Your ability to be clueless about things is truly something to be marveled at.  And, thirdly, who fucking cares about inauguration crowds?  Are you that petty that you can’t accept the fact that the first black president of this country garnered a wider audience than a rich white boy from Manhattan?

I’d love to jump into the federal funding you cut from sanctuary cities, or the living hell that is Betsy Devos and her education “point of view,” or the 17 other agencies and programs Mr. Trump wants to cut, or even Kellyanne Conway’s casual claim that assertions made by the White House can be described as “alternative facts.”  Here’s an alternative fact for you: you’re a great guy, Mr. Trump, full of profound and poignant wisdom, and whose decency toward every living being in this world is matched only by your generosity.  

While your heart may swell at this alternative fact we've presented, we the people know what it really is: a lie.

Words by Jimmy Carter

I encourage everyone to read the remarkable words by Jimmy Carter, in a speech he delivered on July 15, 1979, about our nation's energy crisis.  Over forty years ago President Carter saw this country meandering toward this blanket attitude of selfishness and passivity, and he pleaded with the American people to fight for change and embrace fundamental goodness.

In times of uncertainty it is easy to get lost in the fold.  We have become a divisive country, especially in the past year, and many claim to see the dark days of our political system on the precipice of destruction.  We are inundated with fear and pointed toward the ones who's to blame for that fear.  None of it is healthy and this toxic environment will only make us more divisive.  What we should really be doing is focusing on how to fix the broken parts of our system and create a more unified society.

Various passages from this speech can be found below, and the link to the speech is at the very bottom.  Words in bold are the particularly powerful excerpts.

"Good evening. This is a special night for me. Exactly three years ago, on July 15, 1976, I accepted the nomination of my party to run for president of the United States.

I promised you a president who is not isolated from the people, who feels your pain, and who shares your dreams and who draws his strength and his wisdom from you.

During the past three years I've spoken to you on many occasions about national concerns, the energy crisis, reorganizing the government, our nation's economy, and issues of war and especially peace. But over those years the subjects of the speeches, the talks, and the press conferences have become increasingly narrow, focused more and more on what the isolated world of Washington thinks is important. Gradually, you've heard more and more about what the government thinks or what the government should be doing and less and less about our nation's hopes, our dreams, and our vision of the future.

Ten days ago I had planned to speak to you again about a very important subject -- energy. For the fifth time I would have described the urgency of the problem and laid out a series of legislative recommendations to the Congress. But as I was preparing to speak, I began to ask myself the same question that I now know has been troubling many of you. Why have we not been able to get together as a nation to resolve our serious energy problem?

It's clear that the true problems of our Nation are much deeper -- deeper than gasoline lines or energy shortages, deeper even than inflation or recession. 

I know, of course, being president, that government actions and legislation can be very important. That's why I've worked hard to put my campaign promises into law -- and I have to admit, with just mixed success. But after listening to the American people I have been reminded again that all the legislation in the world can't fix what's wrong with America. So, I want to speak to you first tonight about a subject even more serious than energy or inflation. I want to talk to you right now about a fundamental threat to American democracy.

I do not mean our political and civil liberties. They will endure. And I do not refer to the outward strength of America, a nation that is at peace tonight everywhere in the world, with unmatched economic power and military might.

The threat is nearly invisible in ordinary ways. It is a crisis of confidence. It is a crisis that strikes at the very heart and soul and spirit of our national will. We can see this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our nation.

The erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America.

The confidence that we have always had as a people is not simply some romantic dream or a proverb in a dusty book that we read just on the Fourth of July.

It is the idea which founded our nation and has guided our development as a people. Confidence in the future has supported everything else -- public institutions and private enterprise, our own families, and the very Constitution of the United States. Confidence has defined our course and has served as a link between generations. We've always believed in something called progress. We've always had a faith that the days of our children would be better than our own.

Our people are losing that faith, not only in government itself but in the ability as citizens to serve as the ultimate rulers and shapers of our democracy. As a people we know our past and we are proud of it. Our progress has been part of the living history of America, even the world. We always believed that we were part of a great movement of humanity itself called democracy, involved in the search for freedom, and that belief has always strengthened us in our purpose. But just as we are losing our confidence in the future, we are also beginning to close the door on our past.

In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns. But we've discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We've learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.

The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the first time in the history of our country a majority of our people believe that the next five years will be worse than the past five years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote. The productivity of American workers is actually dropping, and the willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world.

As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.

These changes did not happen overnight. They've come upon us gradually over the last generation, years that were filled with shocks and tragedy.

We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the murders of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, only to suffer the agony of Vietnam. We respected the presidency as a place of honor until the shock of Watergate.

We remember when the phrase "sound as a dollar" was an expression of absolute dependability, until ten years of inflation began to shrink our dollar and our savings. We believed that our nation's resources were limitless until 1973, when we had to face a growing dependence on foreign oil.

These wounds are still very deep. They have never been healed. Looking for a way out of this crisis, our people have turned to the Federal government and found it isolated from the mainstream of our nation's life. Washington, D.C., has become an island. The gap between our citizens and our government has never been so wide. The people are looking for honest answers, not easy answers; clear leadership, not false claims and evasiveness and politics as usual.

What you see too often in Washington and elsewhere around the country is a system of government that seems incapable of action. You see a Congress twisted and pulled in every direction by hundreds of well-financed and powerful special interests. You see every extreme position defended to the last vote, almost to the last breath by one unyielding group or another. You often see a balanced and a fair approach that demands sacrifice, a little sacrifice from everyone, abandoned like an orphan without support and without friends.

Often you see paralysis and stagnation and drift. You don't like it, and neither do I. What can we do?

First of all, we must face the truth, and then we can change our course. We simply must have faith in each other, faith in our ability to govern ourselves, and faith in the future of this nation. Restoring that faith and that confidence to America is now the most important task we face. It is a true challenge of this generation of Americans.

We know the strength of America. We are strong. We can regain our unity. We can regain our confidence. We are the heirs of generations who survived threats much more powerful and awesome than those that challenge us now. Our fathers and mothers were strong men and women who shaped a new society during the Great Depression, who fought world wars, and who carved out a new charter of peace for the world.

We ourselves are the same Americans who just ten years ago put a man on the Moon. We are the generation that dedicated our society to the pursuit of human rights and equality. And we are the generation that will win the war on the energy problem and in that process rebuild the unity and confidence of America.

We are at a turning point in our history. There are two paths to choose. One is a path I've warned about tonight, the path that leads to fragmentation and self-interest. Down that road lies a mistaken idea of freedom, the right to grasp for ourselves some advantage over others. That path would be one of constant conflict between narrow interests ending in chaos and immobility. It is a certain route to failure.

All the traditions of our past, all the lessons of our heritage, all the promises of our future point to another path, the path of common purpose and the restoration of American values. That path leads to true freedom for our nation and ourselves. We can take the first steps down that path as we begin to solve our energy problem.

Energy will be the immediate test of our ability to unite this nation, and it can also be the standard around which we rally. On the battlefield of energy we can win for our nation a new confidence, and we can seize control again of our common destiny.

In little more than two decades we've gone from a position of energy independence to one in which almost half the oil we use comes from foreign countries, at prices that are going through the roof. Our excessive dependence on OPEC has already taken a tremendous toll on our economy and our people. This is the direct cause of the long lines which have made millions of you spend aggravating hours waiting for gasoline. It's a cause of the increased inflation and unemployment that we now face. This intolerable dependence on foreign oil threatens our economic independence and the very security of our nation. The energy crisis is real. It is worldwide. It is a clear and present danger to our nation. These are facts and we simply must face them.

Our nation must be fair to the poorest among us, so we will increase aid to needy Americans to cope with rising energy prices. We often think of conservation only in terms of sacrifice. In fact, it is the most painless and immediate way of rebuilding our nation's strength. Every gallon of oil each one of us saves is a new form of production. It gives us more freedom, more confidence, that much more control over our own lives.

So, the solution of our energy crisis can also help us to conquer the crisis of the spirit in our country. It can rekindle our sense of unity, our confidence in the future, and give our nation and all of us individually a new sense of purpose.

I do not promise you that this struggle for freedom will be easy. I do not promise a quick way out of our nation's problems, when the truth is that the only way out is an all-out effort. What I do promise you is that I will lead our fight, and I will enforce fairness in our struggle, and I will ensure honesty. And above all, I will act. We can manage the short-term shortages more effectively and we will, but there are no short-term solutions to our long-range problems. There is simply no way to avoid sacrifice.

Twelve hours from now I will speak again in Kansas City, to expand and to explain further our energy program. Just as the search for solutions to our energy shortages has now led us to a new awareness of our Nation's deeper problems, so our willingness to work for those solutions in energy can strengthen us to attack those deeper problems.

I will continue to travel this country, to hear the people of America. You can help me to develop a national agenda for the 1980s. I will listen and I will act. We will act together. These were the promises I made three years ago, and I intend to keep them.

Little by little we can and we must rebuild our confidence. We can spend until we empty our treasuries, and we may summon all the wonders of science. But we can succeed only if we tap our greatest resources -- America's people, America's values, and America's confidence.

I have seen the strength of America in the inexhaustible resources of our people. In the days to come, let us renew that strength in the struggle for an energy secure nation.

In closing, let me say this: I will do my best, but I will not do it alone. Let your voice be heard. Whenever you have a chance, say something good about our country. With God's help and for the sake of our nation, it is time for us to join hands in America. Let us commit ourselves together to a rebirth of the American spirit. Working together with our common faith we cannot fail.

Thank you and good night."

Full Jimmy Carter Speech